she was so not down for the gang bang
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
