Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
