I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
