I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
