Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
