he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
