dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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