Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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