Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
