Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
