I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
