she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think i have two assholes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Randomize
