he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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