I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
