Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
