As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
