I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i love accidental penises.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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