Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
