It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
