no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
