the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
