he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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