Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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