four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
