I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
