I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
