I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Randomize
