then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
