The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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