Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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