Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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