Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
