it hurts more in the daytime
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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