My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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