I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
