My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
