i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
