I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
