im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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