i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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