My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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