Define "chronic" masturbator.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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