I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
