was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
