There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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