I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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