We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
