Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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