Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
