she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my phone needs a breathalizer
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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