Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
