STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
