you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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