really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
