K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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