I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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