dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
