Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
