no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
