smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
