I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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