he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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