so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
