I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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